Sunday, February 24, 2013

Trying to live more generously

I really wasn't even sure what I was going to say today when I clicked on "New Post".  To say that its been a long lime since my last entry would be an understatement...  But here I am again. 

I have had something pulling, tugging on me for some time now. I just wasn't at the place where I could make it happen.  To be able to talk to others now, about Kinsey and Grayson... without crying and losing it.  Well, it's taken a long time.  Everything has been a process, for lack of a better term.  

I have finally reached a point where I am trying to be available to others who have been through similar circumstances.  It has taken a very long time.  Anyone that knows or works with me in a casual way, not knowing my history... probably thinks that I don't have any major problems.  I have learned to hide things well.... (most the time).  or "Compartmentalize", the term that  someone who knows me better than anyone would use.
 I have thrown myself into work, and keep myself busy.  

About a month ago... I realized one of the best places for me to start with "giving" was the Fetal Center at the hospital where I work.  The Mother's that go to the Fetal Center are pregnant with babies that have serious fetal diagnosis.... just like I did with Grayson.  There are so many different complex anomalies that they see (Cardiac, Chromosomal etc),  and some of them are diagnosed with Trisomy 18. 
 I never made it, to the NICU or the Nursery with my babies.  And a lot of these mothers won't either.  

I have started small... taking some baby blankets and socks. I also included a Ladybug magnet for the girls, and a Monkey magnet for the boys.  I most recently took some small stuffed animals that my Mom gave me  The nurses there are very appreciative of things to give to the Mothers.  They only have a few stuffed animals to give out.. that they have purchased out of their own pockets.  They are a forgotten group at the hospital. Everyone donates to the Children's Hospital (where I work)... and please don't take this the wrong way.  I LOVE that people donate to our children here.  But these Mothers and babies are a little overlooked.  No one wants to have to really think about the baby and family with the terminal diagnosis...Or the mother who loses her baby in childbirth..... its hard, and its uncomfortable.  I was one of those Mothers.... and I want to help give back to them. 

I know how it feels to have a baby not survive.... VERY unexpectedly (Kinsey).  I also know what it feels like to have a baby with a terminal diagnosis (Grayson).
I cherish the photographs mostly... but I also cherish the blankets and clothes that touched my children.  It's something I have been able to hold onto.  I want others to be able to have something nice to use for their baby... and then hold onto it when they can't hold their baby anymore.  Just like with my children.  
Life is still hard.  My past is still very painful.  I do the best I can every day, and just keep waking up day after day and moving forward. 
 I think that God has been tugging at me for some time... but it's just that I am finally now at the point where I can begin to give.  Finally at the point where I can talk to other mothers. 

Friday, I met a mother with a T18 baby.  She is 8 months old!  I am proud to say that I was able to introduce myself, and talk to her. About my babies, and hers.  I plan on talking to her more.. and I hopefully with meet others in the future.  

One of the main reasons of this post today is to update you a little about me... 
but also to say that if any of you out there would like to help give to these families... I would LOVE the help.  I won't pretend to have a lot of money... but I am going to give what I can.  
If any of you would like to give blankets, outfits, socks, stuffed animals... Anything these families and babies could use... Please contact me.  
I would rather not ask anyone for money... because I don't want anyone to think I am not giving directly to these families.  But if you trust what I am doing enough, then I will buy blankets etc to donate.  
I honestly don't even know who will see this post. No idea if anyone still looks at my blog, or checks in from time to time.  But I posted anyway.  Just for the chance that someone may see it, and want to help. 


Generosity Encouraged   (2 Corinthians 9:6-12)

Remember this:  Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.  Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.  As it is written:
"They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor'
their righteousness endures forever."
Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way so that  you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. 
This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord's people, but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God.