November

It's been too long since my last post... I have no excuses really, just have been trying to take things a day at a time and have been pretty poor at updating.

Sometimes it takes so much out of me to post something... I need to try to do better, so I will start that now. The last post I had was about Infant & Pregnancy Remembrance Day. I have a good story about that. I worked that day, and I usually don't get home from work until around 8pm. (Yuk, I know... but at least I'm off night shift). I got home and Taylor was already there and had lit 2 candles for us.

It got to be later in the night, and I was taking Macey out to potty before going to bed...and as I walked out of the front door to take her out, I saw 2 candles. They were lit and sitting on the front porch. Very very sweet of someone to do this... although Taylor joked that our house could have burned down had we not seen them! Not really, they were in a safe spot and in glass jars.

I have asked around to a few people, and I have had no confessions. I have a pretty good feeling it was someone in our neighborhood (we have a gated neighborhood), because they would have had to come in the gate.

Thank you to whoever put the candles out front. It was such a sweet thing to do, and Taylor and I both were very touched.

It's November already, and alot has happened since Oct 15th. I had another birthday on November 5th. I will refrain on the age I turned.... its just not Southern for a lady to tell her age. My plan is just to NEVER look my age.

Also, one of my best friends in this world had a baby boy. He is healthy and normal and alive...and for that I am so thankful. Congratulations Sara & Wade. ( http://wattshometeam.blogspot.com/ )

I was very stressed about him being born, whether Sara realized it or not. I hope to be able to meet him sometime soon. We also have some really good friends here in Little Rock who were blessed enough to have a healthy baby boy back a few months ago. His name is Owen. Taylor and I have not met him yet, even though they only live about 15 minutes away. I have felt a little guilty about not seeing him yet, but I just wasn't ready. Now that he is a little older, I may be able to meet him. It just would have been too hard right at first... with him being a newborn, would have been way too close to Grayson. Our friends understand, and I am so glad that they do. I guess that's why they are "friends"...because they look after our feelings as well. It has been really hard on me watching everyone else have healthy babies and start their families... I just keep trying to believe that God has a plan for us. I don't know what it is, but I really hope it consists of healthy children to call our own. Whether that be by birth or adoption... I just don't know.

Taylor and I have been having some pretty low key days lately. We have both been working extra... him more than me. He gets more chances at it to be fair, and he has taken advantage of it. I have worked a few extra myself, and have just really been staying busy.

Football season has really helped us to keep our minds occupied. We are so into football... college and NFL, and Fantasy Football as well. I'm more the pure football fan, while Taylor is a little more into the Fantasy Football thing. We are sitting here watching the Dallas Cowboys play the Green Bay Packers as I type. The Saints won again today... thank God! They gave us a scare though. They don't need to do that again.

This coming weekend we will be going to our first football game of the year. Mississippi State plays Arkansas here in Little Rock Saturday. We will be tailgating and then going to the game... and I will be one the only State fans going. There will be another couple of State fans... but I will definitely be outnumbered. We played horrible against Alabama yesterday... so I HOPE that we come back and take Arkansas out this Saturday! I will have the cowbell ready.

I am off to clean my truck for while its still pretty outside. I want to have it ready for tailgating.

p.s. I have something new for the blog coming up soon thanks to a friend... I'll let you know when it happens.

Until next post...

Godspeed.

High School Reunions & Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

It's been quite some time since I last posted on here... I have let time get away. I have had a few different people mention that I have not had any recent posts... so I needed to get on here and stop procrastinating.

We have done alot, and nothing all at the same time lately. Most of our time has been spent working alot, extra shifts...especially Taylor. Sometimes he works too much.

We have been to Hattiesburg, Ms to see family, been to the Mississippi Coast...and Taylor went to New Orleans for the first game of the season of the Saints. He had a blast thanks to my cousin Chad and my Uncle Virgil... I'm still surprised they all made it home in one piece.

After that trip we were at home a few weeks until this past weekend.

We went to Brookhaven for my 20th Class Reunion... okay, I know that I just told off on how old I am... but who cares. We had a good time (at least I did), and I was told how awesome a wife I am by some of the guys I went to school with because I told Taylor to leave and go to my parents to watch the second half of the LSU vs Florida game. Too bad LSU couldn't win it.

We also got to see Grayson's memorial stone this weekend. It came in this past week and it looks great. Thanks to Brookhaven Monument for doing such a great job and for being such great people. They did everything they could to get it there for us by this weekend, and I appreciate that so much. I will post pictures soon. It is very similar to Kinsey's with a few personal changes for Gray.

Grayson also got more mail! I will definitely be putting a post on this weekend about all the mail he has received in his P.O. Box. It has been so great, thanks to all of you.

Tomorrow is a big day for us that not alot of people even know about. It is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. October 15th. A day to remember our children. I encourage all of you to wear something Blue or Pink tomorrow for the day. I keep a pink and blue ribbon on my work badge all the time...and it will have even more of a special meaning tomorrow.

Thank you all for your recent comments... they still mean so much to us. I know that most people have gone back to their normal lives with their families and children... but just remember that there are some of us who can't do that. This is our life now, only memories of the past.

If you can, Please light a candle tomorrow night during the 7 o'clock hour. It represents our children that are no longer with us. They will be watching from above, and they need to see as many candles lit as possible.

International Wave of Light
The International Wave of Light sees participants participating from around the world starting at 1900 hours on October 15 in all time zones.
Participants begin lighting their candles at 1900 hours and burn their candle for a period of at least one hour. The Result is a continuous chain of light spanning the globe for a 24 hour period in honor and remembrance of the children who pass away during pregnancy and shortly after birth.
Candles can be lighted individually or in groups, in your home or in a community setting. Wherever you are, you will be joining an international wave of light in memory of all the children who have passed away during pregnancy and shortly after birth.

Godspeed.

GrayMan's P.O. Box ...and a Poem

I had a question to whether or not Gray's P.O. Box was still working... The answer is Yes. I believe we will have it for 6 months. Gray's Grandpa and Uncle work at the Post Office, so they check it from time to time.
The address again is:

Grayson Thomas Thompson
P.O. Box 4025
Brookhaven , Ms 39603

I plan on putting in a post soon to show all the things Gray has received in his P.O. Box. I have meant to do this numerous times, and just haven't yet. It's pretty emotional to go through everything.. but we are so grateful for all we received for him. Thank you to all of you who sent a card or a package. Hopefully I will get it on here next week after our trip.

Also I wanted to post a Poem that was written for Grayson and Kinsey. It was written by my cousin Angie in Brookhaven. She sent it to me this morning. It made me tear up and smile at the same time. I though it was very sweet of her to write... and so touching that she still has my babies on her mind. Thank you Angie. We all love you.


IN THE LAP OF JESUS

Kinsey Grace
Grayson Thomas

Forever in contentment in His arms abide
Little smiles and hugs, to Him belong survive

Their hearts with us we carry until the day of peace
When we together reign with God and them to be

Peace be still my little ones not long will we be
With you in His presence, again will we see

The love for you we’ll carry deep down in our being
To walk with you in silence, our souls embrace such feeling

Till then to you my Kinsey, with pick cheeks so whimsy
Hold God’s hand and follow His plan till I will see you plenty

To you my Gray Man, He too has a plan, my sweet Angel in the sky
From monkeys, dragonflies and ladybugs to all the butterflies

We Love You and we cherish you, in Him our faith abides

Kinsey Grace Thompson
Grayson Thomas Thompson

“To you we say GODSPEED”

We’ll live on earth and follow GOD’s plan to be with you indeed.

Life, Football and Getting Away

I I have been back at work for 3 weeks now, things have been going okay. It has been pretty busy at times, but it keeps my mind from wandering.

We haven't really done alot lately either, just work and hang out at home on the weekends. We have had Taylor's Uncle Greg visit a few times. He works all over the place and travel I-30 on the way from Texas to Mississippi and stops to stay the night sometimes. It has been good for Taylor to have him around, and he always seems to make me laugh. He is the same Uncle who gave me the James Avery charms that I wear all the time. The ones with Kinsey and Grayson's names engraved on the back of them. They wear the same charms as well, which is such a good thought for me.

I got to show off my new coffee maker to him. Taylor bought me a Keurig Coffee maker as a surprise, and for anyone who isn't sure what this is... look it up. It is one of the best gifts he has given me ( aside from Gray and Kinsey that is). It makes a cup in about 30 seconds, and is so convenient. Greg was so taken with it, I believe he is about to buy one as well.

Thursday we will be headed to Hattiesburg, MS to visit with family. My Aunt Judy (my Daddy's sister) lives there with all of her family, and we have been looking forward to this trip. A trip to Conastoga Steak House will be involved (and NO that's not on the Nutrisystem Plan...I'll have to splurge just a little), as well as Golf & Football.

Taylor will be playing golf with my Uncle and cousin... they are all crazy competitive, so if they all make it home without getting into a fist fight they will be doing good! They will have a good time I'm sure. I'm sure we will all get to hang out and watch football together, and Taylor gets to go to the Saints opening day game with my cousin Chad. For all of you who know me personally...you know how big a deal this is for me to pass up seeing the Saints play so that Taylor can go. That's true love. He had better appreciate it! Chad only has one extra ticket. He has season tickets in the End Zone...right down on the field. I'm jealous.

We will get to stay there with them until Monday, and then head back to Arkansas. My parents will be there for a day or two as well, so it will be good to see everybody.

Not much else happening in our lives right now. We have just been working, trying to save money again... and I have still been on the "diet". It's hard to have willpower when you have eaten anything you wanted for 2 years! I think I have lost about 7 lbs so far, and I am sticking with it. The Nutrisystem thing has gone well so far. A few meals have been good, a few have been bad..but I'm managing. At least I have weeded out the bad meals now, and will only have to order the ones I know I like. I just need to start exercising now. At least the weather is at the point now where it is starting to be nice.

Good Southern Football Weather.

And speaking of Football, thank God its finally back. It's my favorite time of year.

We had our Family Fantasy Football League Draft on Labor Day, it should be an interesting year. This is the most teams we have ever had, 14. I even got a new friend to join this year. Nicole, she is Elias' Mom...and she is from CT. Elias had Trisomy 18 as well, and was born just a few weeks before Grayson. We like to think that they are friends up there. It has been good to talk to someone else who is going through something similar, but it sure is a bad way to meet.

Gray and Elias will be keeping up with our teams I'm sure.

Things have been hard on me lately, so football is at least it is a good outlet for me. I have had a hard time lately, the realization of it all. That things are back to just the two of us again, without our little man or Kinsey. It's so surreal. I can't explain it to anyone that hasn't been through this... it's a feeling I can't even explain. Maybe empty is a good word for it, but that wouldn't even begin to explain. I just keep getting up in the morning, and keep getting dressed, and keep breathing... I really don't know any other way to deal with things. Losing two babies had changed me for certain, I'm not the same person anymore. Oh, don't get me wrong... I'm not totally different, but there is definitely a difference between the Kristi of now and the one from pre July 2008. So for now, I will just keep going and keep praying...

Saying all this actually just reminded me of a quote from one of my favorite movies. Do you remember which movie this was from?

"Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning... breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out... and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how I had it great and perfect for a while."

I think I will always think about how things used to be, I just hope that one day the thoughts get less painful.

One last thing before I end this post...

The most interesting thing that happened to us over the weekend had to do with this picture.

Taylor found this in our Laundry basket in our master bathroom this weekend. I don't see how it didn't bite him! Yes, I said in our laundry basket which is in our bathroom...which is connected to our bedroom! I have no idea how it got there. I just know that it was MEAN. I also know now that it was a Rat Snake, which is not poisonous... but we didn't know that at the time.

We managed to trap it with a garden hoe and a shovel and drop it in this bucket. It was quite an experience.

I'm still a little freaked out! I went through the whole bathroom and bedroom with a flashlight and a hoe! I REALLY hope that's the last snake I see INSIDE my house. Outside, I can deal with it.. but not inside.

I'm sure our babies got a kick out of that one, watching us catch a snake in the bathroom...

Godspeed.

One week down

I made it through my first week of work. It was a big step for me. It was funny how much I forgot while I was off. I walked in the door and honestly had to think for a minute about what all I used to do to get ready for the day. Good thing it was really slow that morning...

By the time it picked up, I was pretty much back in the swing of things. It took me a little while, but by the end of the day I was back to normal I believe.

Our Dallas trip was a good one, we had a good time with friends...and Macey had a good time too. The other big thing I started Monday besides work was a DIET. It was probably a good thing that we took the Dallas trip, I was definately not looking forward to starting a diet, but the Dallas trip helped with that just a bit. I ate so much in Dallas that I didn't mind it that much! I had three meals while we were there, and they were all Mexican. It was SO good. The diet I started was Nutrisystem ... we will see how things go. Its Friday, and I think I have had a good week. I haven't even cheated!

I sure hope that I am able to do the Nutrisystem thing... its not cheap, but if it works...then its worth it. I actually am on the Flex Program, which gives me the weekends to do my own foods. It was a little cheaper that way. If Marie Osmand and Dan Marino can do it, then so can I!

Work did keep me busy this week, I guess that's a good thing. I have had a pretty good week, I have had a few moments. Today however, I lost it just a bit. I blame it on WalMart... why is it that everyone shopping in WalMart has a baby with them? I had started to become better with it, but today was just a little much. I think it was just that the babies I saw today reminded me so much of mine. I saw a little girl with red hair... she was around a year old, the same age Kinsey would have been. It really got to me.

Its just things like that ... they really get to me. It just makes me wonder what she would have been like right now. How big would she have been? I'm sure she would have been a mess...and so much fun. I think that seeing other babies sometimes just reminds me of what I am missing. That's the hardest part.

I know my children are in a place they would never want to leave... it just doesn't help me from missing them.

I'm not really sure what we have planned for the weekend, Taylor is still at work. We will watch some pre-season Football I'm sure.... Next weekend College Football will start, which anyone that knows me knows that I am REALLY into Football. College and Pro. It will give my mind something else to focus on... sounds silly, but it really will. I just wish that I was able to hold GrayMan for his first football game. I read a comment today on the Trisomy 18 board, one of the babies born around the same time as Gray is still alive. He actually turned 2 months old today. I won't try to lie and pretend that I'm not jealous... I would give anything to have Grayson here with us still. I know that its not possible. Doesn't make me not wish it were.

I better turn off the computer and start getting something ready for dinner. For Taylor at least that is... My dinner is in a box in the pantry! It really is pretty convenient. I have been cleaning up, ...and don't laugh...watching Golden Girls. I don't know why I watch that show so much. Its mindless and silly, maybe that's why I like it. I bet I have seen every episode at least twice...pitiful isn't it.

I hope all of you have a good weekend. I don't know what all our weekend has in store, but

I know that my children will be looking over us.

Godspeed.