Grayce was Given

July 31st.  The last day in July, 2013.  

It was a big day for me.... not many of my friends or family were even aware.  I wanted to wait until it was all wrapped up and official before I blogged or posted anything on Facebook.

Today, I officially applied for nonprofit status.  And I did it in July.
I have been giving out blankets, clothes etc.. for a few months already. Now I have a name, a mission statement and will be adding more things in the future.  A website and board of directors to name a few. Many more things to do... but it's a start. I also will be working on the ability for donations to be tax deductible.

I want to thank those who have given or donated so far, to help me with my "calling".

My parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins... they have all given and continue to give. Donations of money for me to purchase things, and also ladies making blankets, quilts, hats and gowns.  The generosity has been amazing, and I am so blessed to have people like this around me who want to help people. I want to name a few non family members, and I hope I didn't forget anyone.  If I did, please let me know... because I want to make sure I thank everyone personally on the blog.

Anna & Brady Holder
Mrs. Wanda Watts (making beautiful blankets, clothes & hats for the first time in her life)
Lisa Crosby
Mrs. Orie Walker (making sweet little hats)
Andrea Conrad
Martha Walker and The Women's group of the Brookhaven, MS Church of Jesus Christ of      the Latter-Day Saints (made handmade blankets & quilts, and sweet little white gowns)
Nicole & Sean Burke

For quite some time,  I didn't have any idea of what to use as a name.  I was off work one random day, and looked at one of my Bible apps on my phone.

The verse was 2 Timothy 1:9

"He has saved us and called us to a holy life - not because of anything we have done but because of His own purpose and grace.  This grace was given us in Christ Jesus before the beginning of time"

I knew that was it, the minute I read it.  Then I changed the spelling of grace to incorporate the names of my daughter and son....
This is a new and unknown realm for me to walk into, but I trust Him... and am ready for whatever He wants me to do.

July 2013, I survived.  Love to all of you who helped me, because I couldn't have without Him and all of you.

Godspeed.

An Appropriate Day. The Appropriate Month.

July.  Its the best and the worst month of my life every year.  This year I decided I would try a different approach.
Last year was very difficult... and I told myself I couldn't do things the same this year.  It was just too much.
So.....  I have been posting on Facebook every day this month.  I'm sure I'm making some of my friends crazy, but they haven't seemed to mind so far.  The posts have felt more like blog posts than Facebook some days.
I told myself I was going to start doing the same on here... but just haven't been able to keep up.  With work, life etc...  I hasn't worked out.

I thought today was an appropriate day to finally start on here.

 4 years ago tonight, I lost Grayson.  It was July 12th, around 8:30 pm.  It was awful.
But the 5 days prior, were the best of my life.  I got to be his Mother.
One thing I am hoping to also make happen this month, is the official "start" on paper of my non profit.  Although I already have my name, and have been accepting donations and giving them out... I have to go through the legal aspects.  And it hasn't gone as quickly as I thought.
My next post will be more of July, and I'll also be talking about all the incredible people who have helped me by making handmade blankets, gowns, hats etc... and donations for me to purchase things as well.

Here are the posts I have put so far... and I will do my best to keep up from now through the rest of the month on here as well.


July 1st:

It's July. World's greatest understatement to say its the hardest month of my life every year, to just breathe through. This year, I'm doing something a little different. 31 days of something good... Because even though July is difficult, it was for a short while... The best month of my life. So here it goes (and if anyone wants to add or join in, I'd love it). Oh... And I'll try not to be one of those annoying Facebook posters with this  bear with me...
Day 1. July is an amazing month because I am single, free and able to do whatever I want, whenever I want... That includes going to see Peyton in a couple of weeks. She is one of my "rocks" in this life.... I can't wait 

July 2nd:

July. Day 2
Today was so insanely busy at work, I just was able to post...
But here it goes:
I have 2 amazing pups who are always there for me, and always happy to see me when I get home. I got Macey, my Jack Russell 2 weeks after Kinsey passed away. And she has been my therapy dog ever since. Brooks my Weimaraner, I adopted from a friend in Dallas...and they are so attached to each other. And of course, I'll always miss my first Weim Gracie. She was the Perfect pup.

July 3rd:

July, Day 3.. Long day at work, and a lot of busy patients. 
Dinner after work with my friend Liza..... glad she persuaded me to meet her tonight, and very glad to be off work tomorrow  
Thankful to work with a such an awesome dedicated group of people... some of who (Frannie) are still working hard right this minute in the OR.
These days around the 4th remind me so much of Grayson. With his birthday just around the corner....I remember very well what I was doing 4 years ago.
So I am going to try and have some good memories tomorrow with friends and family. And maybe a little watermelon 
Remember this picture Gayden?

July 4th:

July 4th, 2013. Spent the day with no specific plans... And was exactly what I wanted. BBQ ribs on the smoker with Jack. Spent a little time over a Gayden's for a short while, then bought a pool for my pups... And had a blast outside with Macey in the water. Oh... And got to drive a white jeep tonight! Now I want one even more. Now listening to the rest of the fireworks going off outside. But these two are NOT happy about it. And ready for it to end. Happy 4th everyone 
And thank you to all who have and still do fight to keep us free and proud Americans. 
Godspeed. 

July 5th & 6th:

July 5 & morning of July 6.....Late post for yesterday, and this morning. Another long day at the hospital on Friday, but it ended great. Was invited to crash Gayden and Camille's camping part of their kayak trip. And wound up spending the night in the tent. Who knew LeFleurs Bluff State Park could be such an escape  Dinner and breakfast outside, meeting a duck named "Randy", and sleeping to the sound of crickets etc... Very needed relaxing night. Thanks G and C. 

July 6th, night:

July 6th... Spent the last part of the night watching some of the UFC fights with friends. Got to see Tanner, and got to play and hold big boy Sawyer tonight... 
Now exhausted.... And less than an hour and a half until Grayson's birthday. Big day for me tomorrow. Goodnight and Godspeed. 

July 7th:

July 7th... At 12:08pm, 4 years ago Grayson Thomas was born. Nothing in my life has been the same since. I never really know how to be on his birthday. I do have good memories, but they give way to sadness and just missing him. More than I could ever even attempt to explain.
Today I went to church and heard an amazing acoustic musical set. Then went to Brookhaven to my church, and took flowers, a new red monkey etc for Gray's birthday. Also went ahead and took some Ladybugs 
I tried my best to stay busy and mobile. Now I am exhausted from the day and the grief, and wish I had more of him than just memories here with me. Faith of being with him (and her) again, and meeting Christ is truly one of the main things that keeps me going. I know as well as anyone, that we are Not made for this world..... There is more than this.
Visited with my parents, Grandparents and Aunt... I know they miss him too, and hope they understand why I had to keep moving. Spent the end of the night with Jack, Gayden and her crew. It was windy, and started raining...but we managed to get one Lantern airborne 
Thank you all so much for your words today. They truly mean more than you all know. I'm blessed to have you all care for me and my children. Hope you forgive the long post. Love you all..... Godspeed.

July 8th:

July 8th... another pretty busy Monday at work. Counting down the days until my 2 week vacation. Exhausted today, didn't sleep great last night... And just was wiped out physically and emotionally. Thank God that I work with such an awesome group of friends that help me through my day. Last thing tonight was to release the rest of the ladybugs. I released half in Gayden's garden. (Which is pretty awesome by the way) And the other half at my house in my tomato plants and mint. Took a pic, but it didn't save... So here's another one of the release yesterday. 4 years ago today, was my first night at home with Gray...

July 9th:

July 9... Crazy day. Between issues with our own service, I wound up helping a kid in the elevator who was going home from outpatient surgery, then assisting with an adult who passed out in the ICU waiting room as I was walking through to go to the parking lot. Odd 
I did make time to deliver a package to some newborn babies. Thank you to the talented ladies who handmade these. 

July 10th & 11th:

July 10-11...
Work. Work. And Baseball. 2 fairly busy days, ending with a MS Braves baseball game in the Suite with Jack and James. I have no doubt that Gray and Kinsey would have Loved Baseball.....
(and softball 

July 12th:

July 12th..... 4 years ago today I was forced to physically say goodbye and let go of my
little man. Every year in my mind, I relive those 5 days with him. As hard as it is, and as physically separated from him as I feel at times, it wasn't really goodbye. He is here with me every day in many things I see and do. I can't wait to hold him again someday.
Godspeed.

Wipe Out

This was so perfect for me to read this morning.  

From a Face book post by "Silent Grief - Child Loss Support".  Definitely explains my feelings of complete wipe out today.  

'Following a major holiday such as Mother's Day, a parent of child loss will often feel like there is no energy to even get dressed much less navigate through the day. Doctors will tell us that one day of grieving takes the same amount of energy as it would to work for 8 solid hours in a field with a pick and shovel in the blazing, hot sun. Grief depletes us of our physical and emotional energy, that's why it's so very important to rest and drink lots of fluids following a day of hard grieving. God bless every parent, grandparent, sibling, and family member grieving the loss of a child today. Please take care and try to understand how much stress your body and mind go through when grieving the loss of your child. Nothing at all is easy about child loss!'

For all of you like me today, feeling the wipe out... you aren't alone. 

I go at 1:00 for my procedure... not the best day for it to happen, but just ready to get it over with.  Maybe I'll be so exhausted from yesterday... that it won't be so bad! :)

Godspeed to all of you today feeling like you have worked 8 hours with a pick and shovel.

I plan on hitting today head on..... 

KT

A Humbling Mother's Day 2013

Mother's Day.  A "made up holiday" as my Daddy would say :) .... but it still has meaning.  
Every year, I have to admit that I subconsciously can feel it getting closer.  Its difficult, to say the least. I didn't go to church this morning... still am not able to go on Mother's Day, too emotionally draining.  

This year I was awakened by text messages starting at 0730.  From family and friends who were just too sweet to think of me today.  It was pretty humbling. I do hope that all my friends who are mothers, had an incredible day today. 

Also had a gift from my best friend Gayden, of my fav... chocolate covered strawberries... and a couple of brooches (James, I know you will love that:) that her daughter helped pick out. Not to mention a handwritten card that made me cry ;)

I am so happy that my own Mother is in New Orleans for the weekend.  Enjoying a getaway with my Daddy and another couple they have been friends with since they were kids.  I was very glad she was doing something she enjoyed.  
I went to Brookhaven to visit my grandparents for a little while, and also my Aunt and Uncle.  Was a good visit, and enjoyed seeing them all.  Macey (my Jack Russell) made the trip with me today.... which was a little therapeutic. 

I went to the church cemetery, which of course was main part of my visit.  The weather was perfect.  I took tulips and just sat outside and soaked in the peacefulness.  It was a very bittersweet day.  I can't even attempt to put into words how much I miss them.  How much I miss the present and future with them... its just too overwhelming to attempt to describe.

I do want to ask for a prayer tomorrow... for a small procedure I have to do at 1:00.  Just prayers for good results would be appreciated.  I know the prayers of God's people can have amazing results... if it is God's will. 

I do hope that all of you had a wonderful Mother's Day doing exactly what you wanted to do, and that you were able to see and hug and love on your children.  Enjoy every second of it... never take one minute of it for granted. 
Thank you all again so much for remembering me as a Mother... I literally feel them with me all the time.

Godspeed, 
Kristi

A working P.O. Box!

Happy to say that my P.O. Box is now in business!  I have no idea why some letters were returned. The only thing I can think of is that they received letters so soon, they didn't realize it was a working box number again?  Who knows... Just glad it's working now. I was starting to doubt myself with posting the wrong address. My mind is spinning most the time, so I wouldn't have been shocked. I'm happy to say it wasn't me :)
I received my first letter today!  Thank you so much Andrea. I promise to put it to good use. I have been sick lately, so haven't been as productive as I had hoped. But I am starting to feel better, and God willing back up to full speed soon. I am also glad to say I have finally thought of a name for my Non Profit. Not going to say in here just yet, but hope to soon. Just as soon as its all set up.
Thank you all so much for your support and help. I can't wait to do more soon.
I'll repost the address just to confirm.

P.O. Box 2788
Madison, MS 39130

Godspeed,
Kristi

Trisomy 18 Awareness Day

3/18.  Trisomy Awareness Day.  
Grayson, you made a mark in this world bigger than I ever will. 
I miss you.

(I received an email saying that a letter was returned from my P.O. Box Address.  I really don't know why, but please try again. I would have emailed you personally... but didn't have your address :)

Possibilities

I am so humbled and excited about the possibilities, stemming from all the comments on Facebook and my blog.  Also by all the people at work who have said something to me, and some who have even already donated.  So many friends, and wonderful people that I don't even know... wanting to help.  I am working now on what the items needed first, and then long term will be.  I wanted to say that I have always received so much support from my family and friends, even when I didn't even know how to accept it.  For that, I thank you.  Everyone of you.  
I still have such a long way to go with my own personal grief and life... but it's such a calling to help, that I can't ignore or put if off anymore. I may not do this all perfectly, but I am going to do it. 
I will be in touch with each of you that have said something to me about helping.  I promise there is enough for everyone :)

I wanted to post my address for any donations:

Kristi Thompson
P.O. Box 2788
Madison, MS 39130

Words can't adequately express how I feel about every one of you who has contacted me.  Thank you..... just thank you.

Godspeed,
Kristi

Trying to live more generously

I really wasn't even sure what I was going to say today when I clicked on "New Post".  To say that its been a long lime since my last entry would be an understatement...  But here I am again. 

I have had something pulling, tugging on me for some time now. I just wasn't at the place where I could make it happen.  To be able to talk to others now, about Kinsey and Grayson... without crying and losing it.  Well, it's taken a long time.  Everything has been a process, for lack of a better term.  

I have finally reached a point where I am trying to be available to others who have been through similar circumstances.  It has taken a very long time.  Anyone that knows or works with me in a casual way, not knowing my history... probably thinks that I don't have any major problems.  I have learned to hide things well.... (most the time).  or "Compartmentalize", the term that  someone who knows me better than anyone would use.
 I have thrown myself into work, and keep myself busy.  

About a month ago... I realized one of the best places for me to start with "giving" was the Fetal Center at the hospital where I work.  The Mother's that go to the Fetal Center are pregnant with babies that have serious fetal diagnosis.... just like I did with Grayson.  There are so many different complex anomalies that they see (Cardiac, Chromosomal etc),  and some of them are diagnosed with Trisomy 18. 
 I never made it, to the NICU or the Nursery with my babies.  And a lot of these mothers won't either.  

I have started small... taking some baby blankets and socks. I also included a Ladybug magnet for the girls, and a Monkey magnet for the boys.  I most recently took some small stuffed animals that my Mom gave me  The nurses there are very appreciative of things to give to the Mothers.  They only have a few stuffed animals to give out.. that they have purchased out of their own pockets.  They are a forgotten group at the hospital. Everyone donates to the Children's Hospital (where I work)... and please don't take this the wrong way.  I LOVE that people donate to our children here.  But these Mothers and babies are a little overlooked.  No one wants to have to really think about the baby and family with the terminal diagnosis...Or the mother who loses her baby in childbirth..... its hard, and its uncomfortable.  I was one of those Mothers.... and I want to help give back to them. 

I know how it feels to have a baby not survive.... VERY unexpectedly (Kinsey).  I also know what it feels like to have a baby with a terminal diagnosis (Grayson).
I cherish the photographs mostly... but I also cherish the blankets and clothes that touched my children.  It's something I have been able to hold onto.  I want others to be able to have something nice to use for their baby... and then hold onto it when they can't hold their baby anymore.  Just like with my children.  
Life is still hard.  My past is still very painful.  I do the best I can every day, and just keep waking up day after day and moving forward. 
 I think that God has been tugging at me for some time... but it's just that I am finally now at the point where I can begin to give.  Finally at the point where I can talk to other mothers. 

Friday, I met a mother with a T18 baby.  She is 8 months old!  I am proud to say that I was able to introduce myself, and talk to her. About my babies, and hers.  I plan on talking to her more.. and I hopefully with meet others in the future.  

One of the main reasons of this post today is to update you a little about me... 
but also to say that if any of you out there would like to help give to these families... I would LOVE the help.  I won't pretend to have a lot of money... but I am going to give what I can.  
If any of you would like to give blankets, outfits, socks, stuffed animals... Anything these families and babies could use... Please contact me.  
I would rather not ask anyone for money... because I don't want anyone to think I am not giving directly to these families.  But if you trust what I am doing enough, then I will buy blankets etc to donate.  
I honestly don't even know who will see this post. No idea if anyone still looks at my blog, or checks in from time to time.  But I posted anyway.  Just for the chance that someone may see it, and want to help. 

Godspeed,
Kristi


Generosity Encouraged   (2 Corinthians 9:6-12)

Remember this:  Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.  Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.  As it is written:
"They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor'
their righteousness endures forever."
Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way so that  you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. 
This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord's people, but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God.