Saturday, October 11, 2008

Butterflies, Ladybugs and Hobo

Its been days since my last post...not because I haven't been wanting to write, its just that sometimes its such an emotional toll and I just haven't been able to do it...I kind of have to prepare myself sometimes to post. Other times I don't, just changes day to day.

I have been wanting to post some pictures and talk a little about Kinsey's service....and about some things that happened in between. Some of you were there, and I am so grateful that you were. For those that were not able to be there, this will give you a little insight.

I can't tell you many people were there to support us and to see Kinsey. So many people and we appreciate and love every one of you. I know now thinking back that I was in a state of shock for days after I gave birth to Kinsey. I guess it was my body kicking in a sort of coping mechanism to save me....and I'm sure that all the medicine I was taking had a part in it as well.

I can remember talking to some people in Brookhaven at the services, and then there are other people that I know that I talked to...but for the life of me I can't remember it.

There was one thing in particular that happened to us, in one of the worst possible times. I think it was God's way of sending us a little comfort. It was something simple, yet it meant a lot to us. We were at my church, at the cemetary....doing something that I never even fathomed would happen. We were picking a place to bury Kinsey, it was so surreal.

As we were walking around the cemetary a little solid black Lab puppy walked up and started following us around. He was so cute, and Taylor and I both love dogs anyway. He stayed out there with us the whole time....and after we picked out a resting place we all stood in a circle and had a prayer. Guess who walked up and stood in the circle in during the prayer...yep, the little lab puppy.

We have since found out that he belongs to our friends Roger and Kathi who live right next door to the church. They named him Hobo. He got his name because he was a stray who just stumbled up one day and wouldn't leave...long story short, Hobo has been hit by a car twice and lived to tell about it. I believe that Hobo survived for a purpose, to give Taylor and I a little comfort that day when we needed it. We think of him as Kinsey's puppy...always visiting her and looking over things.

The day of Kinsey's service, Taylor did something for Kinsey and me that to this day will never forget. He somehow thought to order a box full of Butterflies! They were Monarch Butterflies....and after the last words were said at the cemetary that morning, we opened the box and let them go. They were so beautiful, and I know that Kinsey watched them all fly around. To this day and for the rest of my life, when I see a Butterfly...I will think of my Kinsey.

It goes back a long way for Taylor and I...but we have had this thing about Ladybugs. We even decorated Kinsey's nursery with ladybugs...its so pretty. Taylor ordered Ladybugs too...they just didn't get to us in time for the service. But that was okay, because they arrived a few days later.

After the services were done, and we went back home...Taylor and I decided to drive down to New Orleans just to get away and be alone. I definately was not physically able to do much, but we just wanted to go.
I am so glad we did, because it was really good for both of us. We stayed at the Omni Royal Orleans, only a couple of blocks from Jackson Square...and it was wonderful. It was August in N.O., so it was really HOT...but there was a storm in the Gulf (imagine that) so it was a little cooler that usual.
We spent most of our time walking around to shops and places to eat, just soaking up New Orleans. I would have loved to take Kinsey there, to the zoo and the aquarium....she would have loved it as much as we do I'm sure. I know though that she was there with us the whole time.

One thing that Taylor wanted to do was get a haircut and an old fashioned shave...with a straight razor! He had never been to an old time barber shop, so with the help of the Omni...I found him one. Ernie's... He loved it. Kinsey was laughing at him I'm sure.

The last night we were there Taylor took me on a private carriage ride through the city. I've been carriage rides in New Orleans before, but this was the first private one. The girl giving the carriage ride tour was great, and reminded me a lot of a good friend of mine from New Orleans...(Lisa).

Something I will always remember from this trip was visiting the St. Louis Cathedral in the Square. We went there every day and lit a candle for Kinsey each time we were there, saying a prayer for our daughter together. I will have that memory forever. St. Louis Cathedral is the oldest cathedral in North America, beautiful isn't it. A perfect place to light a candle for our daughter.

We stayed two nights in N.O. and then headed back to Brookhaven that morning. It was starting to get pretty hot down there... so after a breakfast of Cafe du Monde beignets and coffee we went home.

This was in no way a vacation...but a time to get away and be with each other and our thoughts and memories of our daughter, and it was a good decision to just get away.

When we got back to Brookhaven, of course the main place we wanted to go...was to the cemetary to be with Kinsey. We know that she is not really there, she is in Heaven above...but its the place now where we can go to be close to her.
Taylor had one more suprise for me when we got home. He had bought 1500 Ladybugs! You keep them in the refrigerator of all places until you wake them up to set them free. So my parents had ladybugs in the crisper for 2 days until we got home!
We went to the cemetary that evening as the sun was about to set. There were still so many flowers there..and of course Hobo.

We placed Ladybugs there with Kinsey...they were so pretty, they were crawling around the flowers and flying around. It was so amazing to do that for Kinsey, and for Taylor to get them for us. We also left a few Ladybugs at my parent's house in the garden...and then brought the rest to our garden in Arkansas. That way, we all have Ladybugs with us.
I will never look at a Ladybug or a Butterfly the same way again. I know that everytime I see one, its Kinsey telling me that she is okay...that she is watching over us and she always will be, until we can be with her again.


Carrie Gray said...

I'm sorry that I didn't get to talk to you any Saturday (CVICU, fun times), but it was good to have you back. The pictures are beautiful. Hobo looks at home protecting little Kinsey's resting place. Taylor, you sound like an amazing and thoughtful man. I'm thankful Kristi has you. Kristi, I've missed your post. I check everyday. I look and Jackson and it makes me both angry & sad to think you'll never experience the good times and bad with Kinsey Grace. It hurts so bad. For me it's so much eaiser to type than talk. Probably not the best trait. Your family is in my prayers daily. Much love, Carrie

Anonymous said...

Kristi, The pictures were beautiful and the write-up was something good for you the think about too.I know that Kinsey would have loved the butterflies and the ladybugs. I try to put ladybugs on all the flowers that I have done for her, so she has them with her all the time.I miss her all the time and I know that you and Taylor do too.I love you both and my sweet Kinsey and miss all of ya'll.I have ya'll in my prayers daily and I know that everyone else does too. Hobo is still aroundwhen we visit Kinsy.He is really getting big.Love to you both. mama

Anonymous said...

Your strength never ceases to amaze me. I'm thinking about you guys all the time. Miss you so much.
Sara W.

Anonymous said...

Beautiful post Kristi...ya'll are continually in my prayers..I've had monarchs at the house..perhaps they are Kinsey's. I'm glad you and Taylor had time together. I've always loved New Orleans and Natchez...the river has such healing power..

AJ said...

Hey Kristi-- This is Anita---Words cannot express how I hurt for you and Taylor. She is beautiful...just like you! Lady bugs and butterflies to me are symbols of love, beauty, and peace. I am praying for you often. I love you!
Anita Jane Wilson

Sawhn said...

What a beautiful post. It made me cry and smile at the same time. It sounds like Taylor was made for you. I love reading about Kinsey and what a lucky girl she is for having parents like you and Taylor. And now she has Hobo and countless butterflies and ladybugs looking over her. I'm glad you both took a little trip. It sounds like you both needed it. Stay strong, take each day as it comes and know you have so many people who love you, pray for you and think of you.
The Purkeys

Anonymous said...

You know, I was there when the butterflies were set free... Days later at my house, I saw several flying around and I thought of Kinsey Grace. I knew they were some of the same ones.....So beautiful!! She's on my frig and I think of her everyday. Kim

Amy's Blah, Blah, Blogging said...

I just came over from Angie's blog and I just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss. What a lovely husband you have to be so thoughtful with the butterflies and ladybugs. I couldn't imagine a more perfect way to memoralize your sweet baby.

Susan said...

Hello, I saw your post on Angie Smith's blog. I'm so sorry for your loss. I wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you and your family.

Frugal Fabulous Jen said...

I also saw your post on Angie's blog. My best friend suddenly lost her baby at birth a little over a year ago. My family will be praying for you during this difficult time. God Bless.

Jennifer Hill said...

Kristi, I saw your post on Angie Smith's blog and went to Kensie's page. What a beautiful and perfect baby girl that is waiting in God's almighty care for you! That reunion will be beautiful one day. I also have three reunions in heaven to make one day of lost children and one of a brother who was taken home at 16. God has since blessed me with three precious children to care for here. What better hands to protect our sweet babies than the hands of Jesus. He will also heal you and your husband. There will always be a scare, but those are precious reminders of what we have to look forward to. I will be praying for your family. There is no better poem written than Footprints. I am sure God is carrying you now.
In Christ,
Jennifer (

Anonymous said...

i think about you, taylor and kinsey everyday. your blog is amazing way to let everyone who knows and loves ya'll into kinsey's world. i am and will continue praying for your entire family.
jenny janisko

Anonymous said...

Well, once again words elude me. Its wonderful to have you back at work, but I also know how difficult it has been for you. I just want you to know that we are all here for you. I'll even take a pull to nicu for you...whew, i cant believe i said that. We are continuing to pray for your peace and healing.
love ya, heather