Friday, August 7, 2009

One Month Ago




One month ago we were anxious.
One month ago we were scared.
One month ago we were blessed.
One month ago we were thankful.
One month ago we were happy.
One month ago... Grayson was born.

Hard to believe that it has been one month since that day. It was such an amazing day. I do believe it was given to us all by Christ.
Grayson touched so many people and continues to do so. Kinsey has done the same.
Our children have done what we could have never done...
I believe it was their purpose, it was their reason for life...and their reason for leaving us here.

I won't even try to lie and say that I am "okay". I'm not. I'm Broken. I'm in a place that I wish on no one. But I am thankful for having known them.
I am grateful that I am able to remember Gray's sounds, and smells, and his touch. I can still feel the top of his head when I would kiss him. Sounds crazy, but I can.
I pray that I never forget that.

After losing Kinsey, we were also broken. Grayson helped us to mend. Don't get me wrong, I will never "get over" losing her...but he gave us a focus. A new life to watch over, and he helped us. I pray that we were able to help him, even just a tiny bit as much as he did for us.
As a nurse, it killed me that I wasn't able to "fix" him. That I wasn't able to do all I wanted to do. I'm sure Taylor felt the same.
We couldn't save our babies...but I believe they have saved us. I also believe that they have saved a few others...some that I don't even know.
For that, we are grateful.

I don't think I could put into words how much all the support, prayers and comments have meant to us. They have kept us going...
As I said before, Gray gave us a child to look over after losing Kinsey. But now, its just us. There is no one but each other to look after...

I'm not sure where to go from here, what road to take. I don't know what else to do. I don't know if Taylor knows either.

But we will keep breathing, and keep taking one step at a time. That's all I know to do. I have no other answers.

I watched the slide show of Grayson at 12:08pm today. It just seemed appropriate.

http://www.crystalgoss.com/#/graysonthomas/


Godspeed Little Man.







p.s. Thank you to the staff of Paul Michael Company in Lake Village, AR. My Mom and Aunt were here visiting and helping us. They were on the way home to Mississippi and stopped at Paul Michael to shop. When they went to start the car again to go home...it wouldn't start. The staff there helped them to go to an Auto Parts store, so they could buy a new battery. Then one of the staff members even put the battery in for them. We really appreciate their help. God has a way of looking over us in many different ways.

Plus I know that they had 2 Guardian Angels watching over them.



26 comments:

Sarah Duncan said...

I'm praying that God gives you exactly what you need for each step.

My Very Own Angel said...

beautiful post. I keep you in my prayers, your story if very touching to me.

Mommies-Miracles said...

Bless your heart and your little ones to, they are both beautiful and watching over you. The slide show was wonderful. Do you mind if I ask about the song that was on it? I've never heard it before and would like to be able to find it again.

Stacey said...

Thinking of you!

Stacey from CA

Kimberly said...

I will keep praying. He taught me to treasure every moment and cherish the good in every situation.

Mary Ellen said...

Thank you so much for sharing how you are right now. I dont with this journey on any Mother but having been there 4x's I know this road well sadly. You will wake up tomorrow and you will breath. Some days you might now know how but you will because you have 2 beautiful Angels that are looking upon you to live your life. But in time. Grief is a terrible journey that will take its time and will not be rushed even if we want it to. So I will pray for you everyday like I have been.

Brookeanne said...

So glad you were able to post. I've been thinking about you frequently. I sometimes find myself rereading the posts as I listen to the music, not even conscious that I'm doing it. Praying for your strength and spirit.
All the best,
Brookeanne

AnnMarie & Nick said...

Strength and peace to your family. I keep you all in my thoughts and prayers that more peace will come.

Terah from Sarasota, FL said...

I am praying for you everyday but especially today. May God bless you, give you peace, and let the memories of your precious babies always stay with you until you can hold them in your arms again. I've shed many tears for your family in the last few weeks since I found your blog on Kellys Korner's prayer list. I wish I could shoulder some of your pain but I know the Lord will carry you during these hard times. I look forward to meeting your beautiful family in Heaven someday.

Mindy said...

Praying for you guys. What precious pictures of your little boy angel and your post is so sweet. Yes, Gray Man has saved many, many lives. I bet he will continue to do so.

Shannon Ryan said...

Thank you for sharing your two beautiful children with us. Hugs to your family..

Rebecca said...

Thank you for sharing Kinsey and Grayson with us. Praying that the broken road will lead you to the path of joy.

lost--for--words said...

I just want you to know that sharing your experience and sharing your beautiful children's lives has helped save me.... After losing my daughter to T-18 nearly four months ago, reading about other family's journeys through this grief has provided some comfort. Nobody truly understands it as much as someone who has been there. Much love and strength coming your way...

Tracy L / Four Square said...

A whole month. It doesn't seem that long...

Praying for you guys, and promising to never forget.

Andrea said...

It's hard to believe it's already been a month. I will continue to pray for both of you.

Anonymous said...

I have prayed for your family often! I also am praying that peace will come to both of you. Even though you don't know it --you two are both very strong people. Hang in there! There are many people praying for you.

Maile said...

I just watched the slideshow again, too. It is beautiful. Grayson was beautiful. I am praying for you. Thank you for posting.

Cindy said...

You are such an inspiration! Your family continues to be in my thoughts and prayers. I know that God is surrounding you with his love and will help get you through this difficult time! Your guardian Angels are beautiful and have touched more lives than we'll ever be able to count; I thank you for allowing us to walk this journey with you and see God's amazing work through your children and the strength he has given you and Taylor!

Juli said...

I know what you mean about being a nurse and not being able to "fix" your baby. I felt the same way about Maverick. I felt defeated after he died. I'm sure you've been able to fix many others and it doesn't seem fair. I'm blessed to see your faith as you walk through this journey. I'm still am asking God why. Hopefully I'll get to the place you are soon. Best wishes and continued prayers.

Julie said...

Weeping with you both. The sun will come out again.

Anonymous said...

Hi there. I came across your blog and wanted to tell you how sorry I am for y'all. We too lost our baby and his name was also Grayson. He was healthy, growing and thriving and suddenly did of SIDS almost 7 years ago.

Thank you for sharing your beautiful children.

http://www.tutusandchoochoos.blogspot.com

You are in my thoughts and prayers - Kelley

butterbean_girl said...

God bless you. Make He give you the peace that passes all understanding and continue to lead, guide, and direct you through this life.

Stacy D said...

I am so sorry for your losses... your sweet Kinsey and Grayson are so precious.

I would love to help you with your golf tournament (you left me a comment on my blog about it). Please feel free to e-mail me at coolteacher79@yahoo.com

Thinking of you and praying for you,

Stacy

Tammy518 said...

I just don't know what to say. I still pray for you and your hubby every day. Your precious little babies don't need prayers now, since they're in Heaven, but I just can't begin to imagine what you're going through. I pray that you can at least partially heal and move forward.

Jennifer said...

Thinking of you and your family and sending you my prayers.

Katie said...

He is such a beautiful little boy. Praying for you guys.